🖊 WRITE 🖊

This week, besides producing, I have mostly used grayscale. The difference between mindful and mindless consumption is still unclear to me, but I notice that by seeing less color, I find the content itself more important—the rhythm, the melodies, the sense of humor, the overall experience. I’ve been more engaged with the content I did let in and have enjoyed it more.

At first, I felt more gloomy because of the sudden disappearance of intense artificial colors. But I grew up without these kinds of colors constantly around me, so I trusted that it would pass. I’ve experienced these elated, joyous feelings (or rather, dopamine hits) without bright screen colors before, so I know I can connect to that feeling without artificial incentives.

I also noticed that when I use artificial colors on my screens, my eyes hurt more.

I can also feel when I’m tired more quickly. Before, I was less in touch with that feeling. Even taking a nap has been slightly easier.

I feel like I look less tense. I see my sweeter, less on-edge version when looking in the mirror. I feel less restless, which also makes it less stressful for me to connect with people in the offline world.

My offline surroundings outside my screens are becoming more engaging.

Colors strongly motivate me to pay attention to something, probably because I’m quite visually oriented.

I feel a bit safer living in my body and in the present moment. For now, these are the benefits I’ve discovered—a step towards digital detox, more peace of mind, and more energy to enjoy, I guess, the inherent worth of things.

Oh, and I also find it more pleasant to look at people—simply because they are alive. They validate my human experience, just by being. It’s kind of like looking at a screen with artificial colors, but in real life—with scent, more dynamic colors, sound, and subtle movements.

Human connection is quite special, even if it’s just eye contact. And becoming more aware of their facial expressions, tone, etc., makes me feel less lonely and more connected to the human race.

I notice that I feel less afraid in social interactions because I’m no longer exhausted by the attention-grabbing colors. And I remember more social interactions, because I’m less tired while interacting. I have a bit more energy to put things into perspective more quickly and to be present in interactions in my healthy adult mode. The PTSD is still active, but reducing unnecessary stressors seems to help and makes me feel calmer. If I do that, I apparently have energy left for more concentrated self-care and for the people I encounter in life.

So, I notice more resilience, even though I know it’s still far below what a healthy adult should ideally have to function and actively participate in society.

Step by step, I move and discover what works—and I’ve made this step, which, if I say so myself, is a beautiful step.