🔥 LORENA 🔥

Deeply flawed

🌪

To be perfectly honest, tonight, I’m gripped by fear at the mere thought of falling asleep. It all began yesterday when, after what felt like an eternity, I decided to give my very first love a bit of attention. Little did I know that this simple act would unleash a series of events that would keep me on edge. It all started with a dream—well, more like a nightmare, if I’m being truthful. But before I delve into the depths of that haunting vision, let me set the stage. You see, for the longest time, I had been drowning in a sea of negativity, unable to recall anything positive from the past. That was until yesterday. When I decided to embrace the memory of her, I felt something I hadn’t in ages: her validation.

She expressed her deepest love for me through her culinary creations, often crafting them specifically for my taste. That’s why food carries this significance for me. Her food felt equal to validation. For once, I didn’t turn to comfort food to fill the void. You see, normally, I’d gorge myself on food, trying to find her validation in the act of consuming.

Anything to remind me that I deserved to exist, that she loves me, that I belong. But yesterday was different. I let love flow back into my life, and it felt like a lifeline. But back to that dream. It was a nightmarish vision that shook me to my core. In my dream, my very first love appeared, but she was different—more vivid, more real than I’d ever seen her before. I felt vulnerable, so I shared my fears with her. Astonishingly, she listened, really listened, and acknowledged my pain.

But then, things took a chilling turn. The next thing I knew, she reached for a belt, a symbol of protection, to stand up for me. And that’s when I woke up in terror. You see, I knew how that story could end, and it wasn’t a pleasant ending. The fear kept me wide awake, my mind racing with what-ifs.

As I lay there, I couldn’t help but view the situation from her perspective. It reminded me of my days in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, a combat sport where I learned a valuable lesson. I realized that I could only spar effectively when I was willing to accept defeat, even total defeat. Facing that fear had been daunting, but it was in a controlled environment, a place where I could learn and grow.

But in this dream, there was no guidance, no safety net. I shuddered at the thought of how much more traumatic the consequences could have been in reality. It was this unsettling realization that haunted me for the rest of the day.

Now, an overwhelming urge courses through me—to protect her, to ensure that nothing untoward happens to her. It’s a feeling I haven’t experienced in a long time. After all, she had my back last night, and it’s high time I had hers.

So, from now on, no more sleep for me. I can’t afford to lose her.

Yes, it’s hard for me to separate the dream from reality now, causing a bit of chaos. I am safe. The entire day, I was safe. She is safe. It is safe.

Written with the help for chatGPT🤖