🔥 LORENA 🔥

Deeply flawed

Distance alive

Now that I seek less comfort in food and sex, and give the world a chance to come closer, I actually notice what comforts me. I feel it more. When I walk through the park, I sense something akin to comfort, not as intense and immediate as a pink donut but more subtle. Also, when I listen to gospel music, I find myself increasingly immersed in the lyrics. I experience the song more deeply. Such a song can suddenly touch me, and I gladly let it comfort me. Tears roll down my face, I kneel and sing along. Beautiful songs.

Furthermore, I notice a growing curiosity about the world around me, current events. What’s actually happening beyond me, what are the stories of the world, of others? Documentaries seem to be my thing because they provide insight into how someone thinks and experiences, and I learn something new. Speaking of what I learn, I try to apply it more and more. So, that’s coming to life as well. I still have the same passions as two years ago, but it seems like I’m experiencing them more now. Oh, and food is still a passion, and love too, but I don’t yet know how to indulge in them in a healthy way. I mean, I take very good care of myself, but if I ever want to make room for new exciting dishes or a fun coffee morning date🫦, I first want to discover what barriers are there.

In the meantime, I’m curious about my other passions. I feel like everything is falling into place. I have more hope, and I’m also gradually working towards my desired pace. So, as long as I live, it will be okay, there is a new chance, a new day and a new step. The videos💚 where you see me smile less and pose less for the camera are a way to present myself as I am. No need to hide behind a smile. I am allowed to be and let the world comfort me and maybe even cheer me up. I’m quite proud of myself. That I’ve achieved this, that I’m more open, more trusting, step by step. Despite my immense need for love, friendships, and chosen family, I take the time to explore what suits me. I am worth this care and patience, and I hope that my future lover and dearest friends will still be around by then. I laugh to myself as I imagine finally being ready to enjoy life with these sweethearts, but we, figuratively speaking, have no time left.

I am and will remain a dreamer, and these days, I’m also a doer.