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I yearn for the chance to create a warm and inviting haven for a special friend, where both their emotional and physical needs are met. A sanctuary for us to delve into the depths of our connection together.

I desire the ability to embrace his emotions, cater to his needs, and communicate my boundaries in a healthy manner. I do have a place where he can stay, although it’s a bit temporary. I can offer free accommodation for up to two months in my emotional home, and then a loan arrangement for up to two years (please note: lending money has associated costs, which I should mention in advance). After that, it becomes difficult due to my emotional availability constraints.

Fortunately, I’m becoming more emotionally attuned to myself, prioritizing my feelings, needs, and boundaries, and becoming better at responding to them. This, in turn, reduces self-criticism and allows for room to try new things, to discover more, make new connections, and to face those who I care about step by step. There’s even space to splurge, for group activities, and healthy adventurous experiences. I’m increasingly experiencing positive emotions like gratitude, pride, and loved.

My ongoing journey inward, with the assistance of therapy since 2018, has provided this emotional availability and a welcoming home, a safe space, a happy place, within myself. Now, I ponder the outward journey to reach out to a special friend, wondering how it will unfold, how long it will take, and whether I can find my way to his home. Recognizing the different facets of my own psyche, including my shadow side, protective mode, toxic parent mode and my pure side like my inner child mode, has provided me with a clearer map to my own emotional home. Currently, I’m at the stage of spoiling my inner child, (next to the needs) listening to the wishes, within the boundaries of what I consider healthy, as I embark on a new path to his emotional home.

The next challenge lies in recognizing all facets of him before I may spoil him. Perhaps it’s helpful to begin with discovering a clearer map to his home, by asking for the directions. Initiating conversations like “What’s on your mind/heart?” (“Wat gaat er door je heen?”🇳🇱) may serve as an introduction. It’s only when we’re close to home, that we might have more space to ask, “How can I make this experience even more special for you?”

Developing the ability to navigate and understand him is important to me. Learning to listen, for instance: Is this his inner child mode speaking, or is it his protective mode, or his healthy adult mode or toxic parent mode? What is each side expressing, and who can provide answers? Can I fulfill those needs, or should he learn to do it himself? Is professional assistance an option?

When we finally reached both of our homes together, we can pedal back and forth on this path that is uniquely ours.

Written with the help of chatGPT 🤖