???? DISSECT ????

How does the survival mode of Leentje – which Loreen calls Lorena – make Leentje feel? How do survival modes of others make Leentje feel?

Most common survival modes:

• Narcissistic arrogance
• Paranoid need to control
• The compulsive need to control
• Attention seeking
• Aggressiveness
• Lying, deceiving

Narcissistic arrogance

“I need more than everybody else to feel like somebody. Without it all, I am nobody. I have more, so I am more. I win!”

Lorena: Leentje feels so big, yet unloved, short of breath, lonely, worried when Lorena behaves in a narcissistic arrogant way.

Others: Leentje feels so small, jealous, mean, disgusted, unseen in her need to feel accepted, and irritated when others behave in a narcissistic arrogant way.

Paranoid need to control

“Everything is a sign of something I already knew. Nobody can be trusted.”

Lorena: Leentje feels worried, afraid, distraught, powerless, disappointed, unloved, confused whenever Lorena acts paranoid.

Others: Leentje feels unloved, mean, discouraged, unseen in her need for safety and worried when others act paranoid.

The compulsive need to control

“Do as I say! You listening to my commands makes me less insecure.”

Lorena: Leentje feels secure.. for a while.

Others: Leentje feels angry, worried, unsatisfied, sad, frustrated, and unseen in her need for safety.

Attention seeking

“Look at me! Only at me! I am only loved, important, of value when you only look at me. So, please.. LOOK at me. Only at me. I’ll do anything to make you.”

Lorena: Leentje feels shame, lonely when Lorena seeks attention.

Others: Leentje feels unseen in her need for attention, disgusted, frustrated, jealous, worried, miserable, discouraged when others seek attention.

Aggressiveness

“To hurt or to be hurt. I need to feel safe, at all costs.”

Lorena: Leentje feels very fearful when Lorena acts aggressively.

Others: Leentje feels unseen in her need for safety and autonomy, violent, seething, destructive, afraid when others act aggressively.

Lying, deceiving

“I need you to believe I got everything and can handle anything. Weaknesses. Me? Never. I’m not selling you anything, but are you buying?”

Lorena: Leentje feels short of breath, lonely, unloved when Lorena wears the “I’m fine” mask or any other mask.

Others: Leentje feels unseen in her need for acceptance, afraid, distraught, violent, angry, and destructive when others wear the “I’m fine” mask or any other mask.

Conclusion for now

Survival modes make Leentje feel unseen and very mad! They are so unfair. They do not show Leentje’s true self or those of others. They withhold Leentje from her basic needs: safety, autonomy, spontaneity, play, fun, healthy boundaries and the freedom to communicate emotions and needs.