🔥 LORENA 🔥

Deeply flawed

🥶

About my grieving process yesterday. I trained my emotional availability a little more.

While I’m refining my emotional receptivity with kind, warm words, I’m becoming increasingly anxious, confused, and distraught.

I’m puzzled by the fact that there are people who care about me, miss me, and people who need me, yet I struggle to identify them.This confusion stems from my reading about people who miss me, who need my presence, but I struggle to recognize them, whether they are new acquaintances or those I already know. How can I find them?

For now, I’ve chosen to maintain some distance to avoid getting lost. Despite reading those kind, warm words, I still grapple with doubts about the existence of people who care about me, miss me, and need me. Strangely, daring to question the cruel convictions underlying these feelings feels like a step forward. Believing, remembering, and holding onto these unhealthy thoughts has isolated me and created a profound sense of loneliness. It’s as if these beliefs want to be at the center of my life, and I’m struggling to push them aside with all my might. Loneliness, to me, is not about being alone because I also enjoy doing things by myself. To me, loneliness is about the reinforcement of what I perceive as a very harmful conviction. There were moments when I was convinced by this thought. Those times were dark. Very dark. Now, I dare to doubt a little more. Now, I dare to let in more kind and warm words to intensify my doubts even further. The more loved I feel (I need to feel loved to doubt these unhealthy convictions, being loved didn’t change a lot, untill I felt it) the weaker these unhealthy thoughts become. It’s a little less dark now. Sometimes, the light shines through a little more.

Written with the help of chatGPT 🤖