🧸 Q-time 🧸

Who do you feel the most at ease with?

People in whom I recognize warmth.

They are my friends. I pray for them. Unfortunately, I’ve unlearned how to start and maintain friendships. But seeing them in my mind’s eye makes my heart smile.

When did you last push your limits?

🙇🏾‍♀️

What things do you often lose?

Pens.

I like to write with a pen on paper, and I take them everywhere with me, but I apparently sometimes leave them behind somewhere.

How do you calm down?

Stability calms me down.

I’ve been given tools for self-care through therapy, and managed to establish more stability within my self-care routines at home. Now, I’m starting to wonder if I can build that same stability outside the house.

What I do know is that during the energy peaks of my cycle(the same time frame in which I also do my spicy budget-friendly solo dates), connecting with others feels significantly easier. If I intentionally try to make a connection during those peak moments in my cycle, it’s highly likely to boost my energy. My emotions will probably be less heavy, and it will take less effort for me to put things into perspective.

I’ve identified the library, a building with a quiet space, and the gym over the course of my life as my 2nd, 3rd, and 4th semi-homes. I have yet to find my go-tos.

Why am I choosing to open myself up this way? Because I learned a crucial lesson in therapy(individual and group schematherapy): “I can handle it on my own✔️, but I don’t have to do it alone.”

So, I don’t have a plan yet for what to do in those spaces, other than being there up to about an hour or less during the energy peak of my cycle, and then heading home. It’s about trying to participate.

Or as a teacher once said: “voeg je bij de groep” (join the group). Which reminded me that I’m part of the group and made me feel like I belonged without realizing it.

So for me, internalizing this new belief that I belong might be a matter of repetitive confirmation, achieved by being present and trying to participate, creating a loop of pleasant experiences that affirm that sense of belonging.

In those new spaces, my focus will be on “How do I feel and what do I need in this moment?” rather than “How many reps, books, or prayers can I achieve per minute?”—that kind of pressure would instantly activate my toxic parent mode.

So the current goal at my potential 2nd, 3rd and 4th semi-home is stability. Once that stability is there, perhaps I can introduce a more performance-oriented goal. For now, being process-oriented is the pace that fits.