🔎 DISSECT 🔎

My dysfunctional associations

This is a part of my belief system. I feel afraid, sad, ashamed, and guilty to believe this to be true. My belief system as-is is a composition of my environment, upbringing, and biology. My belief system to be is my choice. New affirmation: I can stop my dysfunctional beliefs and embrace empowering ones.

My dysfunctional association: ugly

Situation: I am at home. I am brushing my hair while I look at myself in the mirror.

Thoughts: Your nose is too big, your lips are too big, your eyes are too small, your eyes are not blue, your skin is not white, you’re still black and ugly, I hate you, I wish you were dead, I wish I could wash off your skin color, people hate you, your hair is not straight, your hair is not blonde, It’s still dark and difficult to handle, I need to change, I am not good enough

Feelings: Sad(0-10) = 9 Mad(0-10) = 9 – Ashamed(0-10) = 9 – Afraid(0-10) = 8

Frustrated, Shame, disgust, unloved, dissatisfied, miserable, discouraged, desperate

Bodily sensations: clenching my jaw, frowning, tensioning my neck, shoulders

Behavior: Brushing my hair a bit harder, sighing

Active modes:
Toxic parent mode
Your nose is too big, your lips are too big, your eyes are too small, your eyes are not blue, your skin is not white, you’re still black and ugly, I hate you, I wish you were dead, I wish I could wash off your skin color, people hate you, your hair is not straight, your hair is not blonde, It’s still dark and difficult to handle

Survival mode
I need to change

Inner-child mode
Feelings: Sad(0-10) = 9 Mad(0-10) = 9 – Ashamed(0-10) = 9 – Afraid(0-10) = 9

I am not good enough

How to take care of this with my healthy mode?

Stop the toxic parent mode:

Listen! Your behavior is unacceptable. This needs to stop! This is not how you speak to a child. You scare her. She deserves to be loved and protected. Her hair deserves to be treated with care and gentleness. She is not ugly. She is beautiful the way she is. Stop and go away! Leave this place!

Negotiate with the survival mode:

I love Leentje. I’ll repeat that she is loved until she believes it. Even after she believes it, I’ll keep telling her that. Because she deserves to be loved and feel loved. You are not necessary anymore.

Parent the inner-child mode:

Dear Leentje,

I see you. You feel very sad, mad, ashamed, and afraid. I’m here. Let it all out. I will comfort you. I’ll stand with you in front of the mirror and tell you how beautiful you are. I will point out how pretty your hair, nose, lips, and skin color are. I’ll give you a pillow for you to squeeze or scream in every time you feel angry. You are loved. You have gorgeous hair, skin color, nose, and lips. I’ll take care of your hair gently. You are safe, lovely. I love you.

Much love,

Loreen