🖊 WRITE 🖊

“I am worthy of receiving loving attention, being consistently prioritized, and being protected and helped in a healthy way,” I said to myself yesterday and today. Suddenly, I began to recognize what loving attention is and was able to receive it. A more pleasant confirmation loop. I can even remember those moments. I then discovered that I was capable of giving others loving attention. Now that I recognize it, I know how good it feels to truly receive it. It’s beautiful to be able to make someone else happy with it and make them feel accepted, valued, and loved. I didn’t realize how powerful it was to acknowledge that I actually just miss(ed) my father a lot with the help of therapy and training. However, a balance in giving and receiving validation might have made him feel more welcome to stay. I now see my part in it and how my validation perhaps diminished because of comments I heard about him. Before that, he was my hero, and I was his little princess. And all this sitting with my feelings, because I know that within a month, I’ll be sitting alone in a restaurant with a matching set🥲, at a table with wine, food, and probably a book. I know I’ll feel this old pain again, but now try to remind myself of these new affirmations. I do wish for my type of man to sit across from me at some point. I try to cherish this wish for now, embrace this new growth as a bachelorette :p and also remember the new affirmations that remind me of balance, to take up space to receive and create space to give fully. That I may receive and give equally, despite possible power differences. And maybe I’m thinking a little more about my dad because it’s approaching Father’s Day. Honestly, I’m still crazy about my dad, if that wasn’t clear yet :). By cherishing my own worth, and his worth, I can now better appreciate the quality of a man in general and also verbalize it. Men should also know that they matter, with the risk that they might fly away because they can, but return because they actually choose to. That’s home. My father always came back, deep down I knew he loved me, we just forgot how to speak each other’s languages again. Balance in expressing appreciation for each other doesn’t guarantee that someone will stay, but it ensures that I have a choice to have a part in the outcome of the situation. More than I thought I did before writing the new affirmations yesterday, and remember them today. Since therapy etc. I see my father more clearly, and I still love him. Even more, because I found out he was human, just like me.