🔥 LORENA 🔥

Deeply flawed

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With black hair, whether short or long, I still belonged. However, I felt the least protected that way. I’ve experienced the most with black hair, my natural breasts, and my natural skin color. Of course, I don’t want to go through a repetition, so I remove what I think attracts it. Since then, I’ve experienced less and have felt less deprived. As I was deep in thought this morning, I realized this was a blind spot I couldn’t see, as a victim. But now more grown into a “savior”, I looked around the world, saw the sharks, eagles and also looked within my tribe*. My pride is wild, and I seem to attract them the most when I look “pure.” It’s a different kind of attraction than what I experience now. Now, I experience a milder version, but back then, it was primarily about being hunted. It sounds sexy if it’s perhaps a person I choose and still have the freedom to change my mind too. But no, I experienced less freedom of choice and movement,

But of course, in the process of embracing my inner child, I want to see her in the most natural, young, and healthy state of being. That’s why I consider dying my own hair a cool dark color (to bring out the coolness of my eyes), while wearing blonde wigs in situations where I can’t afford to be hunted, receive less protection, or experience more lack.

This vulnerability is welcome in relatively safe spaces, so I can create a pleasant confirmation loop. Who knows how beautiful my steps become after this pleasant conformation loop. Meanwhile I could take care of my healthy dark hair (with a blonde wig at hand🥲, to save the day), whiten and straighten my teeth with braces, keep doing facial yoga/massages, and continue brightning(hyperpigmentation), detoxing, then I think I would already be adapting enough to the standard, and taking very good care of myself, while breaking many unhealthy patterns. I thought I was only afraid of the sharks and eagles outside, but my blind spot revealed, I’m still afraid to fully be myself around lions inside my own pride, because of how wild they… we… can be together.

*When I talk about my tribe/pride, I mean the lions, and that has nothing to do with race.