🔥 LORENA 🔥

Deeply flawed

🥶

I’ve set up an automatic response, expressing my need for some space. I understand that my distance may trigger old pain in people, and they may take it personally. This, I can relate to, but my healthy adult mode can turn this miscommunication into gentle, yet very clear 🙂 communication. It’s an ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ message. With this, I hope to communicate that I don’t have all the answers all the time. This also communicates to myself that I can handle being approached because I dare to admit that I currently have too much on my plate, or feel overwhelmed or suffocated. The world surely keeps spinning without me, and I want to learn to trust that it will (and let go of my savior complex, ouch).

I’m quite proud of myself.

This message (originally written in Dutch) communicates less distance, and more openness:

Hi,

Thank you for your message. At the moment, I have a bit too much on my plate, so I will try to respond by (date). In case of emergency, please contact 113, 0900-8844, or 112. My apologies for the inconvenience!

Kind regards,

Loreen

Additionally, I think I’ll eventually turn my current phone number into a business number and keep a private one exclusively for personal use, for my papi, for example. Via WhatsApp Business, I can also send such automatic messages. By doing this, I hope to feel a bit less overwhelmed and suffocated when I open WhatsApp. By doing all of this, I hope to hear the guilt trip of Perfecti less loud.

“People need to be able to cling to me, or else I’m a bad person; I need to always help people, even if I need help myself; help others first and then others next, and then if time remains, well, maybe another person needs help as well. Don’t be selfish.”

Well, selfishness is a word I want to learn to embrace in a healthy way, the selfishness of putting my mask on first before I can put on the mask of another. That’s the approach I learned in therapy and the approach that gets me through the day, step by step. When my cup is filled, I can pour into others who are open and receptive. I like to give, but I learned in therapy etc. that I am worth it to receive as well.