🖊 WRITE 🖊

By successfully completing my group training sessions, where I shared more about what I feel, what I need, and even what my boundaries are, I have become more aware that fortunately there are individuals with critical thinking skills, with a mind of their own, within a group. This has given me hope to receive support, stand up for myself, or that others will stand up for me in a group. My healthy adult mode has strengthened, and my little self has received more kind words and warmth. This gives me hope!

That’s why I prescribe my small, recovering dear self:

Team sports: because my innerchild needs regular support from and to give support to other women striving for the same goal. To create a pleasant confirmation loop.

Martial arts (preferably non-physical): BJJ is about using the opponent’s strength against themselves if I’m correct, and Tai Chi is similar in that sence, but non-physical. Excessive masculine energy can present itself in various, sometimes unexpected, forms, so I think this mindset in martial arts teaches me to handle this energy appropriately.

Cardio and strength training: because sometimes I need that extra bit of strength or endurance—like today—to take care of myself, despite the circumstances.

Oh, and presenting/debating: Toastmasters, for example, and/or a debate club, to learn to articulate my boundaries gently, but very clear. To the outside world it may seem that my recovering, dear little self has zero support, which can cause confusion about where my boundaries are for some. This might mean less people-pleasing, but still a healthy adult mode with patience, yet more straight-forward.

More group training.

And yes, a competitive sport, but individually, because I’m allowed to experience how it feels to go for my goal on my own, whether I’m supported or not. I need to create a confirmation loop that I’ve got this moment, even if I’m the only one standing up for myself at that certain moment. I will be okay, things will be okay, the world will continue, and tomorrow will be another chance to try again. I win or I learn(a quote I remembered), and that okay.

And now I need to find the time, energy, and money (and willpower) to afford all of this 🥲