The void

Leentje – inner child mode
Loreen – healthy parent mode
Lorena – survival mode
Perfecti – toxic parent mode

In August there’s a temporary therapy stop. Leentje(my inner child mode) felt and still feels scared to face the void again on her own. In the last couple of weeks Lorena(my survival mode) has been fighting and avoiding this fact.. hard. Leentje feels ashamed and guilty for everything she could not control. While Loreen(my healthy parent mode) tried to maintain a sleep schedule and applied healthy coping skills, Leentje became more impulsive. A bit harder to discipline. Lorena did ‘everything’ to silence the void Leentje felt. But today Loreen realized what Lorena has been fighting. Loreen thought Leentje only needed lots of affirmations to fill the biggest part of the void. Apparently Leentje has another large ‘obvious’ void: Loreen needs to be genuinely interested in Leentje. Ask her questions like.. How was your day? What’s your favorite color? Which hairstyles do you like to wear? What makes you laugh? Leentje missed out on a lot in this area. So much that Loreen isn’t sure who Leentje is. The void Leentje is facing is the lack of identity. If Loreen would ask Leentje today how her day was. Leentje would feel shy and probably answer Loreen with few words and short sentences. Afraid to talk too much. Perfecti(my toxic parent mode) is uninterested in what Leentje has to say and tells Leentje that she talks too much. Leentje believes this to be true. She doesn’t talk much since her childhood. Some days she doesn’t talk at all.
Surely she needs alone time to heal traumas, but a lot of her alone time is filled with fighting the void and this belief. How can Loreen help her feel heard? Loreen could just google: “what interest questions can you ask your child?”, to continue the journey to reparent Leentje. And/or
Loreen could develop a genuine interest first and affirm Leentje she deserves someone who is truly interested in what she has to say. Her story is worth hearing. What would Leentje say if she believed that? What would Loreen ask Leentje to encourage this belief? This is a new area. Which Loreen is insecure about. Loreen is afraid to ask the wrong questions. Afraid of Perfecti. Questions Loreen could ask Leentje: Why do you love Tom and Jerry the movie so much? Why do you love the color pink? Why do you love dogs so much? Why do you love Titanic so much? Why are you still – low key – a big fan of Britney Spears? Why do you passionately sing the Pokémon intro when I play it for you? Why do you love to make funny faces, especially when no one is watching (or rather when you think no one is)? Why do you love playing with the sand? While Loreen is writing these questions Leentje is smiling. This (especially why-questions) makes Leentje feel heard, seen and most of all loved.