🖊 WRITE 🖊

What’s your story?

Before it got dark, I only saw light.

Gradually it became darker. Standing in the shadow, my world was very dark. No light to behold, it felt lonely. Through therapy, I learned to see light and shadow. I absorbed my story, embracing both light and shadow. Post-therapy, distinguishing between them became challenging without help. Is it light or shadow that I see? Then it clicked. I see both*.

Recognizing both light and shadow within and around me made me feel less lonely. By expressing myself through my grieving ritual – writing unsent letters in a gentle yet direct tone – I learned to relate to stories outside of my own. Our stories look alike, and that’s okay.

So, first, I thoroughly absorbed my story in therapy, where I learned to relate to, and put other stories into perspective too. Now, closer to my needs, the noise is more reduced. My need to play and fun emerged gradually, and my energy level increased step by step. Absorbing my own story at my step-by-step pace now, with more energy(because less noise), makes me feel impatient at times. That’s why I take care of my emotions, needs, boundaries, and wishes as much as I can with that energy instead. Being overalert, on the look out, for the shadow side in other stories, even parasocially, may be unnecessary and distract🌪 me at times. That’s why I take care of the flowers I’d love to see blossom instead.

As much as taking care of my own, the flowers around me, makes me feel fulfilled, I feel more at peace, when I can immerse myself in a different kind of story. Preferably with a fireplace nearby, soft background music, and ambient lighting, I let a special story unfold, experiencing peace of mind. An unfolding story without my power to dictate the plot, the narrative, the characters. It’s out of my control, and this surrender makes me feel curious. What’s the next step in the story?

Developing this ability creates more space for a special friend’s story—a narrative outside me, even if we cross paths. What’s his story(dreams, goals, plans, steps, wishes etc.)? How does his story unfold? How far does his story intertwine with mine, for how long, and which pages may I read? Where do I start? Am I allowed to read his story at all?

*Ideally, I excel at discerning the difference between the dark and the light. I avoid distractions completely, respond perfectly all the time, and always take the high road. While I am a lot healthier, I’m still deeply flawed🫦🐓🏳🥶🌪. Realistically, the best I can do is strive to take another beautiful step.