🧸 Q-time 🧸

I see the beauty behind my grieve a little more with the help of therapy:

I am unsatisfied with my subconscious choices. They temporarily alleviate old pain. I am unaware of my needs because they are unimportant to me. This results in a disordered way of thinking, the absence of a healthy adult mode, and the inability to connect, communicate with healthy adult modes of others.

I feel more lonely, discouraged, disappointed, distraught, and powerless because of it. I become emptier. In the absence of my healthy adult mode, I cling on to things and to those who temporarily alleviate old pain.

I repeatedly remind myself to please them, which leaves my needs unmet. It seems like nobody can undo what I went through. Nobody can undo that I missed out on a lot. So unfair!

Which makes me feel confused about who to blame, punish or criticize. This furiousness destroys everything I love. My inability to accept old pain as a loss keeps me from grieving.

I need a safe place to grieve. I need to sit with it, listen to it, get to know it, and see the beauty behind it.

Disordered thoughts —> feelings —> behavior –> (subconcious) choices

Temporary trigger cure (my needs are unimportant to me)
Old pain-based choices —> sex, food, spend money, seek validation, dissociate, destruct
Needs unmet
Emptier

Disordered thoughts prevention (my needs are important to me)
Needs-based choices —> calmness, happiness, warm and fuzzy feelings, safety
Needs met
More fulfilled