For a while now people have been taking heritage DNA tests to see where they are from. Which piques my interest. As I’m taking steps towards loving myself I’m discovering a new sense of curiosity. I want to know where I’m from too. To know which tribe(s) I belong to. Who my ancestors were. My natural hair strands can tell me something about my biology and history. Knowing where I’m from could explain my nature more. The strands can reveal how mixed or pure I am. I could just take the test. Unfortunately, my curiosity would not be fostered that way. My love for analyzing could get a boost from researching it by myself first. I want to embrace the development of this personality trait. If and when I’m ready I will take a DNA test and compare it with my own findings.
I will put comparing my results with the heritage DNA results on my maybe-someday list for now. I need to stop comparing myself to others though. I actually prefer observing my own hair strands instead of comparing them with those of others. Observing my own can lead to a broader perspective of my background, my history and my identity(as my identity is formed by my biology, surroundings, and upbringing). Comparing can lead to a false sense of superiority or inferiority. It reveals which race I see as superior/inferior. I want to press backspace on all the internalized racism/colorism. At the end of the day, racism/colorism is taught, so it can be unlearned. Healthy thoughts about hair and race may replace unhealthy ones. If I am mixed those new thoughts could help me accept every part of myself and not feel ashamed of or guilty for any part of me.
Observing my hair is also a way to embrace what is given to me. A way to be grateful. A new way to love me. Looking at my biology feels like recognizing the part I can’t change. Not being able to change or control my biology makes me feel powerless. I could be the best version of myself, but my biology is as far as I know, what it is. It just is. I can either accept it or deny it. I can make it appear as if I have different biology, but the blueprint stays the same. For example, I can color my hair or put gel in it, but neither will change my biology. Accepting my blueprint, cherishing this gift could make me feel secure, loved and satisfied.
