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Comfort Soothe (troost🇳🇱)

Throughout this period, I had been in search of solace and peace. It wasn’t until yesterday, on Valentine’s Day, that everything clicked while I was taking a bath. My tears came out in waves, as if my emotions were shaking through me. It was a moment of release and a comforting soothing embrace of warmth, bubbles, the sensation of freedom.

Hugging my teddy bear provides solace, especially when I’m sleeping. However, the warmth of the bath felt like being cradled, as if invisible arms were wrapped around me perfectly.

The bubbles offered small yet genuine moments of joy. What made it truly liberating was that none of it felt forced. This realization struck me during my walk today, witnessing the sun breaking through, encountering colorful birds, and petting a dog named Bo. It dawned on me: what I’ve been searching for is comfort to be soothed.

While happiness, exciting and joyful moments, are welcome, I need to create more time and space to be soothed comfort regularly—like a warm bath, hugging my teddy bear while sleeping, and surrounding myself with vibrant colors, warmth, and my passions like music, nature, and stories.

Therapy and my grieving rituals provided reassurance, as my perspective with some [was] restored. The real life restoration of that bond takes time, and perhaps this life is too short for it – a consequence of deeper wounds. By perceiving both myself and [their] shadow and light, with less standing between us, I might be one step closer to acknowledging the true pain (schone pijn🇳🇱) of feeling profoundly sad. That’s why I believe I need to be soothed, and [it] is the most fitting step for me now.