Today, on the day after Sinterklaas I feel compelled to speak my mind on black Pete. The news around this topic saddens and worries me. I disapprove of the huge lack of empathy. I feel compelled to speak up because I sometimes wear an afro (this blog is about hair and mental health). I also love to wear red lipstick and gold hoops earrings. Black Pete has the same descriptions. The question is do I look like black Pete or does black Pete look like me? If black Pete looks like me I could feel flattered. Imitation is the biggest compliment you can get they say. If I look like black Pete I would feel indifferent. Just like I don’t hate or love Ronald McDonalds white face, red lips and red afro. He just is. Do you boo. See you at the drive-through ?
I’ve been called black Pete twice in my life.
Once by a white classmate who was also 5 years old. When he called me that he had a cheeky smile on his face. I felt shy and confused. Still, don’t know if he was into me or if he hated my guts. A few years later when we were 9 we ‘dated’ for a while.
The second experience with being called black Pete was by an adult. I lived and worked in a dominantly white area, Amstelveen, at a child’s daycare. A grown white man came to pick up his son. He said to his child in front of me, “she looks like black Pete, doesn’t she?” I felt confused and stayed polite. I didn’t meet my own need to stand up for myself or to discuss it with colleagues out of fear of losing my job. I submitted myself to the situation.
All jokes aside, I think this discussion goes beyond white people trying to look and/or act black. I could feel offended by black Pete if I interpreted the imitation as a way to make fun of the differences. “Because if I don’t celebrate my skin and hair, how dare others! Don’t you dare to steal that as well!” Now I’m learning to embrace that I look nothing like the Aryan race and be more than okay with it. With a lot of therapy, I might even feel thankful and proud to be me. I am not my color, not my thick lips, not my wild kinky hair. Those features are given to me. I am. I just am. Human. Just like you, with a beating heart, feelings, hopes and dreams. We are human. We are more alike than we sometimes seem to realize. My intentions and character define my soul. I’m learning to be thankful for all of it. One thing I have to give black Pete is that he is able to celebrate all the black features I own. You go black Pete.. no really go
What black Pete can learn from me is to look past those party vibes. Look a little deeper inside your heart and soul. Doesn’t it feel lonely to behave egocentric? When I behave egocentric I feel lonely. So it may be projection or you may indeed feel disconnected from others. If so I feel sorry for you. I want to feel connected, don’t you? I don’t think this whole discussion has anything to do with race, but more to do with how we all perceive reality. Which truth is the truth? Who decides?
Black people were enslaved and in this country, you can be reminded of that in several ways. Black people were dehumanized, but so were poor white people. I went to the museum: gevangenpoort in The Hague. Cels of 4 by 4 meter for 15-20 poor white men. Where did they sleep? On each other? How about does human rights? All human rights are important to me. In a similar sized jail the rich white man stayed with another inmate or by himself. The punishments were more humiliating and dehumanizing for all people in that era. Do we need to erase all the pain that ever excisted? We need empathy on both sides. People who are hurt by black Pete may feel this pain. They are allowed to feel hurt and heard. This pain may be acknowledged.
So can black Pete stay or should he go is not the question to me. Rather: how can we connect with each other despite of looking and even feeling different?
