🔥 LORENA 🔥

Deeply flawed

🏳

Yesterday, the first day of Xmas, was the second time I felt too nauseous this year, after weeks and months of mental and physical preparation to meet certain needs and wishes. I am passionate about my hobbies and interests, such as dance, music, and food, creating moments and pillars to look forward to. Xmas felt like a happy place materialized* on earth this year, much like the joy I experienced after my ballet performance that day—perhaps for the first time or in a very long while, multiple long peak moments of joy. I found myself falling more in love with this holiday season, with celebrations like Xmas. I was in awe of the moments, like the calm and joyful excitement that followed the intense preparation and anticipation.

In both instances, I ended up eating more than my usual amount. However, I’ve realized that my personal exception threshold is relatively small. It doesn’t change or grow if I feel more excited. I can make an exception to eat a bit more during celebrations, but it needs to be within the limits of what my stomach can handle. Learning to understand this is crucial for me because one of the initial times I felt so excited and at ease was during those moments. When I’m at ease, I tend to be disproportionately easygoing🏳, I tend to exceed my – physical – boundaries. That’s why I need to learn to truly feel my – physical – boundaries more or at least start with an arbitrary portion to fit my stomach, to improve my relationship with food step by step.

*These pillars I look forward to are happy places where many souls, over many years and in many locations around the world, have experienced joy. In contrast to the joyful place I’ve learned to create from therapy and am still in the process of creating when I’m alone. So, for me, these days are potentially exponentially joyful because there are more souls present or have been present. It feels like a rich connection with these souls, spanning different eras and areas through materialized imagination. Yes, I love Xmas.