As a child, I could fall in love with the smallest things, like a ray of sunlight, or a simple smile. A crush—an innocent, pure, infatuation-like feeling. It’s a feeling similar to the initial connection I experience with most people, if not all. As I become more aware of this, I’ve realized that others might feel the same way. Because of this, I try to be more careful and mindful of my steps.

In a secure connection, I don’t regularly feel pushed away or overly pulled in by the other person, and I try to imagine that this feeling is mutual. When I repeatedly feel pushed away or constantly pulled on, I recognize that together we’ve dampened the initial, pure butterflies. At that point, I experience a mild combination of heartbreak and grief.

When I experience this, I go through my feelings and allow myself to experience those emotions—whether it’s form of fear, anger, or sadness. I then give myself more attention, comfort, and reassurance, teaching my inner child that it’s safe to fall in love/open up and experience heartbreak or grief, even in mild forms, because I will sit with the emotions that come with opening up and with life happening. I embrace happy emotions when they pop up again and try to focus on the connections that began purely and continue to survive, live, and even thrive. These connections provide space to cherish and expand, allowing us to take bigger and more beautiful steps together.

The more I learn that nothing needs to be forced, and the more I focus on those who also consistently prioritize taking steps toward a secure connection and giving and receiving loving attention, the more it reveals who truly lets me in at that moment. The best thing that can happen to me is this realization before a connection deepens too much. I try to cherish the memories and accept the small steps we are still able to take together. Within that connection, there are still ways to healthily help and protect each other as much as possible, but this awareness helps prevent false hope for a deeper bond.