Dear Loreen,

I feel ashamed. I chose to trust my loved ones to protect me. They chose to violate my (sexual) boundaries when I was a child. They chose to not protect me. I feel scared to love and trust again. Please teach me how to love and trust others. It feels lonely: it seems like I have a big heart, a lot of room for many people, but I feel too afraid, to let anyone in. If I let someone in, Lorena gives them more love than they do, because I’m afraid they will hurt or leave me otherwise. Even if they do hurt or leave me, Lorena keeps on Ioving them. I feel more desperate to keep them in my heart, because of how lonely it feels without them. And because of how afraid I am to trust and love new people. Welcoming and letting go of people is very hard for me. Lorena rather isolate me than put me through this pain everytime I see a human being. I feel very scared during our morningwalks in the park, because of the people who don’t see me, which makes me feel unloved. And because of the people who do see me, they make me feel loved, which makes Lorena hyper aware of danger. As she is concerned love equals danger and abandonment and must be avoided, to protect my heart. Lorena means well, but I need you. I need you to reassure me everytime I see a person, that I’m safe and am allowed to feel afraid. I need you to communicate my boundaries when needed. I need you to be honest about how I feel to others. I need you to ask for reassurance of others when needed. I need you to keep me safe in a healthy way.

Much love,

Leentje