🔥 LORENA 🔥

Deeply flawed

🌪

I’m fortunate to live in a relatively safe house, but because of all the stuff I have, I don’t feel mobile enough. This makes it hard for me to have patience and be forgiving, as I feel stuck because of my tendency to hoard. I lack the freedom of movement to dance through life because of this choice. So far, I haven’t developed enough mental flexibility to simply dance a little more and tend to welcome chaos around me, instead of maintaining boundaries consistently. Perhaps slowly going through my possessions and getting rid of things could help me. But there’s something holding me back, and I’m not sure why. Why do I find it challenging to become lighter, more mobile, to have more freedom of movement? Maybe I’m afraid I can’t have both a stable home and dance through life. I want to see places, people, but I’m also attached to my home base. And perhaps by accumulating various possessions, I weigh myself down, making it difficult to flutter 24/7. So I guess that’s why I feel anxious to make decisions in this area. The stability and security versus spontaneity and freedom of movement to explore. I want to find balance in that. Maybe I can make a plan because so far, I haven’t been able to find this balance without a plan. Gradually letting go of my baggage while continuing to create as much stability as possible. And when I do feel this stability, I feel light enough to let go and immerse myself completely in the moment, uninhibited! But restrained or rather flexible enough to return to stability afterward. I see both as a blessing, stability and security, as well as spontaneity and freedom of movement. Dancing through life is a part of me, just like my bath rituals are. Once I’m light enough, it doesn’t matter where I live, though it does matter a little, of course, but I can easily move, and I’ve been feeling that need increasingly in the last weeks. As I am able to check my ego more, regardless of circumstances. Today, I was already thinking about storage places and worst-case scenarios if I don’t have shelter where I could potentially go. Nothing is foolproof, even my plan to dance through life for more excitement yet bathe regularly for more calmness, but I value my sense of security, and a plan can help, even if it initially feels like a rollercoaster. So perhaps a first step is to start writing down everything I have. And then assess whether I really need the items in the short or long term, like a box full of tampons—I’ll continue to need that, even a year from now. But small empty boxes, for example, I don’t. Of course, I want to keep space for things that bring spontaneity and soothe me. My bath is one of those things. But if my bath is the heaviest item when I want to move, then a moving company could easily move me within 1 hour, so to speak, based on my baggage only. Maybe the goal could be quite arbitrary, that I only move with what could fit in my bath (excluding the washing machine I rent and my teddy bear), if I continue to develop skills to earn and save money. So that when I need something, I can easily afford it.